


but right now you're so far away

by shewitches



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Magnus POV, alec is an emo kid that can't fall asleep unless he talks to magnus, post 2x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 21:38:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11677599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shewitches/pseuds/shewitches
Summary: He can almost hear Ragnor's voice in his head reminding him that Alexander isn't just a boy. None of his relationships can be described as 'just' anything. Camille wasn't just the person to break his heart into a thousand pieces. Alexander wasn't just the one to put it back together with the soft sound of his laugh.or, magnus and alec can't sleep unless they talk.





	but right now you're so far away

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this on my phone at work bc i'm a good employee w/ a desk job. not beta'd or really proofread. title is from mary lambert's song 'so far away'. i do not own magnus or alec. much love xo

Magnus has gone through heart break before. In the past, he's always loved too much. Too hard. Too loud. He's always been the one to feel blindsided when he gets broken up with. Not to say he hasn't ended a relationship before - he has. But it's never been like this. 

He conjures up too much food for dinner out of habit & finds himself curling up on the couch without eating. The soft rain against his window does nothing to ease the tightness in his chest. He feels so unbelievably human in the moment that it's almost laughable. Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, on the verge of tears over a boy. 

He can almost hear Ragnor's voice in his head reminding him that Alexander isn't just a boy. None of his relationships can be described as 'just' anything. Camille wasn't just the person to break his heart into a thousand pieces. Alexander wasn't just the one to put it back together with the soft sound of his laugh.

His phone buzzes once on the table and a warm smile spreads on his lips at the sight of Catarina's name. It's a simple text message. Just a story about Madzie and how she's thriving. It makes his chest ache as he sends back a smiley face & a message about how he knows she's in good hands. 

Magnus has always been able to tell when something is a bad idea. Before he can talk himself out of it, his thumb is hovering over Alexander's text messages. Most of them are brief messages - especially lately - but they bring tears to his eyes. Messages about being late for dinner, tired of paperwork, messages about missing him. When he scrolls up a few weeks, he finds an entertaining conversation they had about zombies when Magnus was on business. 

He misses him so much it physically hurts. 

When he scrolls up more, he finds more conversations from before Alec started staying at his loft. Late night conversations about how exhausting their days were. Magnus sending him full stories in emojis while he tried to decode them. Daily selfies. Magnus pleading with him not to shave and knowing it's a losing battle. 

It's all pointless and he misses it. 

When his phone rings, he jumps & almost drops it. His heart lurches in his chest at the sight of Alexander's name on his phone screen. He always knows when something is a bad idea, and picking up the phone right then is a perfect example. 

"Hi, Alexander." 

Even over the phone, he can feel the way Alexander relaxes. It's a bad idea for them to talk, but he's never good at doing things that are good for him. He glances at the clock on the wall and realizes it's past midnight when he speaks up again. 

"It's late. You should be sleeping." 

That earns him a laugh from the other end of the line, but it sounds more sad than anything. They've had conversations about how much Alec hates sleeping at the Institute. How he feels stifled in the walls. 

"I couldn't sleep." is the reply he gets, which he could call bullshit on if he felt the desire. The rough tone to Alec's voice is proof enough that he's close to falling asleep. 

Close, but not fully there. Like he needs to talk to Magnus to go to sleep. 

"Alec - " he starts, only to be cut off. 

"Don't. " 

He closes his eyes at that, standing up from his spot on the couch. With a flick of his wrist, the untouched food is in a trash can somewhere. He's suddenly aware of how tired he is & how badly he wants to invite Alexander over. 

He doesn't, but he wants to. 

"What are you doing? I can hear you moving." 

He smiles to himself at that, grabbing a make-up wipe and heading to clean his face. He could easily magic the make-up away, but he needs this. He needs to feel human for a moment. 

After all, being a Downworlder is the reason he can't have what he wants. 

"I'm cleaning my face before I go to bed." 

He hears Alec hum at that and he thinks, maybe, he's falling asleep until he hears him speak up again. 

"Don't forget your lotion. I used it a few days ago and moved it to the bathroom." 

He wants to cry. It's such a simple sentence, but it's a reminder of how domesticated they became in their short time together. The entire loft reminds him of Alec. His extra shoes are still by the door. There's a worn t-shirt in a drawer that's his. Magnus can't bring himself to do anything with them. 

There's a comfortable silence between them as he cleans his face, the gentle motions calming him down. He can hear Alexander's quiet breathing on the other end of the phone & he's reminded of the way the sunlight looks on his skin in the morning. 

The world is a cruel place. 

By the time he's finished with his nightly routine, he feels more centered. Maybe it's the sound of Alec on the other end of the line. Maybe it's not wearing make up. He doesn't have the energy to ponder it. 

He's about to hang up when he hears Alec shuffle on the other end and sigh. He knows that sigh. He knows that man. 

"I love you, Magnus. " 

He's said it before. He said it a mere six hours prior. Magnus knows. He knows that Alexander loves him. He knows it isn't enough. He wants it to be enough. 

"I know, angel." 

Alexander laughs at that, and it sounds a little more awake than before. He hears a shuffle again before Alexander talks. "I'm not giving up. " 

Of all the things for him to say, Magnus didn't expect that. He expected another apology or maybe a plea for them to go back to his things were before. He doesn't expect a declaration. 

"You're not, huh?" 

He means for it to be teasing, but he's sure Alec can hear the way his voice shakes. He's never had anyone fight for him before. It's enough that he almost breaks & asks him to come over. 

"Not a chance." 

He sounds determined, but playful. Magnus loves him so much it's ridiculous. He's never felt this way about anyone before. How ridiculous is it that the love of his life is a stubborn Shadowhunter. 

_The love of his life._ Huh. Bad time for that realization. 

"Go to sleep, Alexander. I'll still be here tomorrow. " 

"Don't hang up the phone. Please." 

Magnus doesn't. Bad choices, right? 


End file.
